Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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