so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
