Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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