Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
