He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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