Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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