I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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