my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
