i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I skipped work to stalk him.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
