I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
