why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
