the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Everyone says I win the strip club
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
