u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
