I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
