i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize