chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
