I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize