I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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