you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
