There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
