Have you finally orgasmed yet?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
