everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You took a bar mat shot.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
