the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
