So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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