you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
