You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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