Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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