brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
