Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Enjoy the penises
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
