I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
