Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
