Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
