If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
