Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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