One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just googled if crying burns calories
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
