That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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