if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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