i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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