my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
