I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
