wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
