I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
