Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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