Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
