I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
