He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
