So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize