I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
