I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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