just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize