Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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