so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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