This girl is more easily done than said...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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