How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
