The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
