Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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