I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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