I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
