I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
