Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He felt like a one man threesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
