My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
