final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
