ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My boob is missing a layer of skin
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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