What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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