you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
