if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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