She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
