i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
