my phone needs a breathalizer
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
