you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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